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Eyecare Humor: A Laughing Matter

January 23, 2018

At OCLI, we take your vision very seriously, but when it comes to ourselves, we don’t mind being the butt of our own joke! In our field, if there’s a joke about eyes or eyecare, we’re the first to get a laugh out of it! In the spirit of light-hearted fun, we bring you our staff picks for the best of eyecare related humor! (Bear with us, because the optometry jokes just keep getting cornea!)

A man received laser-assisted vision surgery but after one month he returned to the doctor to demand his money back. When the doctor asked the man why he was dissatisfied when the surgery had been a success, he replied, “I still can’t shoot laser beams out of my eyes.”

Q: Why did the phone wear glasses?

A: Because it lost all of its contacts.

Woman talking to her friend, pointing to her husband sacked out on the couch: “He started off with a lazy eye, and it spread to his whole body.”

Q: What was the lens’s excuse to the policeman?

A: “I’ve been framed, officer.” 

Mr. Potato Head’s eyes fall out and tumble across the floor toward Mrs. Potato Head, who chides: “Don’t you roll your eyes at me!”

Q: What type of vision do dustbin men (and dustbin women) have?

A: ”Bin”-ocular vision

Amazing Grace was an amazing optometrist. “I was blind,” she told her patients, “but now I see.”

Q: What happened to the lab tech when he fell into the lens grinder?

A: He made a spectacle of himself

Patient struggling to read the bottom line of the eye chart to the eye doctor: “I’d like to buy a vowel.”

Q: What did the mommy contact lens say to the naughty child contact lens?

A: I’ve had enough, go and sit in the cornea!

Patient: “I always see spots before my eyes.”

Optometrist: “Didn’t the new glasses help?”

Patient: “Yes, now I see the spots much clearer.”

Optician: “You need glasses.”

Patient: “But I’m wearing glasses.”

Optician: “Then I need glasses.”

A man goes to an eye specialist to have his eyes tested and asks, “Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?”

“Yes, of course,” replied the doctor, “why wouldn’t you?”

“Oh! That will be so nice!” exclaimed the patient excitedly, “I’ve been illiterate my whole life!”

A woman walks into an optician to return a pair of spectacles that she purchased for her husband a week before.

The assistant asks, “What seems to be the problem, Madam?”

The woman replies, “I’m returning these eyeglasses I bought for my husband. He’s still not seeing things my way.”

Deer to eye doctor: “At night, I see a lot of glare and halos around headlights…I find them irresistible.”

A woman calls her boss and says: “I’m calling in sick because I have an eye problem. I can’t see myself coming into work today.”

What did one eye say to the other eye? “Between you and me, something smells.”

At OCLI, we’re full-service vision health providers who can help you with any and all of your eyecare needs, including eyewear prescriptions and frames, dry eye treatment, permanent vision correction, cataract surgery, or anything else you might be interested in! Reach out to us today for the most advanced and friendliest care around!

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